ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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