Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize