I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Holy shit dude........stairs
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