I wish I could punch you in the face.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
