I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
