you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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