The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
