My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
