did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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