Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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