Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
