Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
