I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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