FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sext me about skeletons
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
