Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize