just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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