so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
