did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
