I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
