The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
