I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
