sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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