and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
