Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
