ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
