you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
