hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
