I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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