I hate your face
Will you blow on my dice?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
