I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
