Dual....:-)
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
