Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
