im six kinds of drunk right now
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
