You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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