Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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