I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have aggressive nipples.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
