The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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