Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
