dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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