just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
