the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
