He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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