The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
