you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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