Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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