You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
