dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
