I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
