The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
