so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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