11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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