imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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