I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
