u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I looked at my own cervix.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
