I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
