he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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