What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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