Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
