He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
