he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's Friday. Sex?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
