is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
