Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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