Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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