I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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