Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
