i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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