You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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