Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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