Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
