when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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