you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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