After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
...so i touched it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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