i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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