we're chasing vodka with high fives
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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