she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
