dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
