oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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