Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
