waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
