i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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