he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
