Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
