I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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