See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
