I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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