did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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