How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They took my balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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