I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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