So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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