I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
