life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
