I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
