You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
